History

An Insight into Our Process and Progress

To the casual observer, McCarty Party appears to be a Hollywood-style photo opportunity for erstwhile party animals located in the general vicinity of Bellbrook. My, how things have changed.

But hey, don’t blame us. All we did was buy lots of beer once a summer. People just kept showing up. And look what it led to:

• first we added music

• then we added food and T-shirts

• then events

• then prizes

• then…

But you get the picture. The next thing we knew, word began to spread about this “totally awesome” (your term… we don’t talk like that) party in the cornfields of the mid-west every year. Before we realized what we were doing (or sobered up long enough to think about it), we were building a stage and converting a storage shed into a party shack so that (for a single weekend each year) all our friends could drink to excess. Ultimately, Dale had to sell his soul to the IRS to build a party house and an authentic reproduction of an Irish pub.

And now certain things are expected of us, which absolutely ruins any chance we have for a laid back month of June. We must, for example, come up with yet another alcoholically hilarious invitation (not to mention a party theme and logo) each year. Of course, we are professionals (well, at least our bosses think we are). So we have managed to come up with some tried and true methods for feeding your insatiable hunger for witty repartee. For example…

The Traditional Method for Creating an Invitation for McCarty Party

Step 1 Have a beer. Hell, have two.

Step 2 Generate a list of potential party themes. Originality counts at this point of the process.

Step 3 Look over the list of ideas generated in Step 2. Upon realizing that they all suck, proceed to Step 4.

Step 4 Have another beer.

Step 5 After admitting that no original ideas for a theme are forthcoming; look around and see if there is a national, international, or cosmic event which could be used as a theme by passing it off as a witty play on current events. As originality no longer counts, it is okay to turn on the TV at this point.

Step 6 As long as we ’re watching TV anyway, we might as well have another beer.

Step 7 If a theme still hasn’t been conceived, pull out old McCarty Party invitations and rip-off material from a previous year (cleverly disguising it as a new theme by using words and phrases that are currently in vogue).

Step 8 Have a beer to celebrate the annual “Choosing of the Theme” festivities.

Step 9 Promise to get it written up and distributed “next weekend for sure.”

Naturally, some things have changed over the years. We’ve matured (well, as far as you know), and the process of putting together a party has grown in sophistication. In other words, we now have access to electronic devices we never dreamed of a couple decades ago. And being essentially nothing more than technologically-adept versions of the lads we once were, we play with those electronic toys a little more each year.

Of course, some people might say that only means we are able to do a better job of ripping off the creative fruits of others. Well that hurts (maybe not as much as crushing a can of Fosters’ lager against your forehead… but it hurts). So let’s take a brief look at what we’ve been able to accomplish with the arsenal of high-tech party wizardry now at our disposal. We’ll concentrate on the following three areas of party production: beer, invitations, and T-shirts.

A Commentary on the 10th Anniversary of McCarty Party

Nigh unto ten years ago, our forefathers brought forth to this continent a new notion, conceived in inebriety and dedicated to the proposition of women. This notion has evolved, flourished, and is now an historical landmark on the face of the Ohio countryside. Yea, verily, we celebrate “A Decade of Decadence,” because beer is good.

A decade. Yes, it’s true. Ten years ago, a daring band of party mercenaries took up arms and used those arms to pound a few brews. It was the beginning. To this hardy group, walls were confining. They needed fresh air and cow manure. Luckily, the leaders of the band staged a real estate coup on prime dirt in the middle of Ohio, and “McCarty Party” was born on the rolling hills of McFarm. As a matter of fact, one of the great battles of the revolution took place the very next year on the hallowed grounds of McFarm. “Your Basic Survival Party” left bodies piled knee deep in the mud and the blood and the beer. Veterans of this event are still around. They just look dead.

The leaders of the revolution knew carnage when they saw it and said “Hey, this is alright!” But, taking a cue from the ancient Greeks (who had no trouble throwing an orgy together on the spur of the moment), the revolutionaries dedicated the next year to sport. “The Olympiad” saw the beginning of several events which are institutions today, and the institutionalization of several of the participants.

Over the years, the need for revolution subsided, and the notion took firm root as the social consciousness grew more cultured (and the need for cultures grew also). Recreation and leisure activities were promoted at “Club Mac.” But leisure was, well, too leisurely and complacency, unchecked by alcohol, caused “thought” (which, as we all know, is the down fall of all really good ideas). The history books record well that very little thought occurred that year. Also recorded was one of the uglier scenes in the history of the movement, when Hell’s Angels had to remove crazed groupies from the lip-sync stage by force. (Who knew that Dale would look that good in drag?)

The schism was healed the next year with “USA for Alcohol, Drinks Across America.” Party faithful were once again reunited by the social glue of music, sun, and beer. This is not to say that the movement had no spiritual backbone. Everyone needed something to believe in. So when “Paradise Turned Liquid,” most people believed in having another beer. They also believed in groping, falling down, and asking who he/she/it was the next day. Believe me, many of those people found spirituality that night.

But the notion lacked order, and so in ’88, “The McCarty Party National Convention” was held. Delegates arrived, the party was called to order, and then everything went pretty much like it does in the U.S. Congress – you know… scandal, rape, abuse, sex, lies, and videotape. In other words, the convention was a rousing success. Now that the movement had socio-political relevance, it was time to undermine it by returning to the nostalgic days of “The Summer of ’69, Woodstock Revisited.” As everyone knows, ’69 was a pretty good year, except for Vietnam, Nixon, and the Archies. But hey, that should be enough to undermine anyone’s socio-political relevance.

After the nostalgia wore off, it was time to reaffirm the party’s basic value system. To put a hand on the Constitution and say “Sure, dude!” Good feelings were everywhere (think about it) as young and old celebrated “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour.” Only one thing need be remembered from this gathering. The beer truck showed up, the rain stopped, and the sun came out. A coincidence? Not likely. The scientific community has unequivocally declared this a cause and effect relationship. Take heed.

Why this look back? Because. (Because like every other historian, I’m starving because I didn’t learn any real skills, and I’m forced to survive on the crumbs of the aristocracy.) No, really, I’ve written this because a truly informed party member is, well, truly informed. But a truly drunk party member is someone to be taken advantage of. Therefore, I urge you to uphold the high standards of alcohol consumption, and the low standards of social behavior.

General H. Norman Schwartzkopf
(or TJ Schmenk, as far as you know)
July 1991

Reflections on McCarty Party: An Essay

McCarty Party. What can you say? Ten years ago, before anybody’s brain had grown in, some bored Ohio crazy boys needed an excuse. They had no beach, no skateboards, no jetskis, no nuthin’. Let’s face it, this was Ohio; they had sheep. Boring at the least, after the age of ten.

“What will we do?” they asked. “We have sheep, and this is old hat.”

These twisted young no-brains needed an excuse. They found it. McCarty Party was born. (The sheep didn’t RSVP anyway.) Having no option but substance abuse, this was decided to be the format: How toasted can you get in 2 days and still report for work on Monday. Bingo! Besides, they were already very good at this. After the sheep snubbed them, they had only the genius juice (beer) and other no no’s to become proficient at consuming (and then still go out in public & try to function). It was funny to watch and didn’t involve chasing livestock.

Ten years later McCarty Party has become an institution. A reason for living another year. It can’t stop now. 300 plus folks would shoot themselves. No more crying in the beer over stuck-up sheep. The dissidents have discovered debutantes, and it’s gone from there.

Where will it go from here? Who knows. A McCarty Party convention, a blow-out on the moon? Only time will tell. One thing’s for sure, if you’ve been to one, you’ll never outgrow the need for another (is this a potato chip commercial, or what?). Needless to say, you’re now at the 10th annual. Let’s all hope that we make it to the 20th annual. Eat, drink (a lot), and be loony… and rub someone’s butt for good luck. It’s fun, it feels good, and where else can you get away with good juicy decadence!

Charlie Zeilman
mutantis extremis

A Quarter Century of Diversity

A politically correct history of the 25 years of McCarty Party….

1982 – A diverse group of people gathered in Urbana, Ohio sometime during the summer.

2006 – Another diverse group of people (assuming Trevor shows up) will gather in Bellbrook, Ohio sometime during the summer.

Sometime between 1982 and 2006, the gathering of a diverse group of people during the summer moved from Urbana, Ohio to Bellbrook, Ohio .

This is a complete and unbiased account of all the politically correct things that can be said about 25 years of McCarty Party.

Faithfully submitted,

TJ Schmenk
McCarty Party Historian