In 2018 we embraced the Big Beer Theory that drunk lives matter. For many of you it was probably the first time you tested a hypothesis. For the Brother’s McCarty, it was a chance to spin a little “fake science” and get our minds off of the Bueller investigation. (As many of you are probably aware, we have been accused of colluding with Russia during the 2016 McCarty Party… and also of stealing our dad’s sports car so we could take a road trip to Chicago to catch a Cubs game and sing in a parade.)
We also learned several things over the course of this year’s party. For example:
The kids (aka, McCarty Party: NextGen) continue to make their presence felt. Kyle and his buddies now make up almost a third of the golf outing. Luke and Tyler do all of the heavy lifting (as in lifting all the heavy equipment that Mike and Dale “simply didn’t have time to get to”). Casey can outdrink the lot of us, and still retain conciousness. And Dani came so close to winning the triple crown (Lager Relays, Beer Drinking for Time & Distance, Taking the Bras Off the Debutantes) that Dale had to sprint like the wind to deny her the final event. Even Yoda (a surprise ghost from McCarty Parties past) said, “Surprised we were that Dale a hammy he did not pull.”
It’s now a sad truth. The golfers simply cannot hit the links for several hours and be expected to continue drinking (without passing out or turning into a zombie) when they get back to Camp McCarty. As a result, the annual golf outing will be moving to the weekend before the party starting next year. We anticipate that this will give them sufficient time to recover for the party proper… but we’ve been wrong before. Once.
And perhaps surprisingly, it seems that in the mid-July heat of an Ohio summer… people like swimming pools. Hmm, who knew? Well, maybe Dale. He did spend the better part of the 6 weeks leading up to party finishing the deck and pool-side bar. Now if he could just get a couple of hotties to act as lifeguards/barmaids!
Finally, in blatant disregard of both tradition and party etiquette, most of our guests brazenly mingled and drank in the pub FULLY CLOTHED after midnight. Seriously folks, it’s called the “Underwear Underground” for a reason. Trust us, we are literally the one’s who make this stuff up.
